I took my GRE's on Tuesday after studying all last week and over the weekend. I did ok on them.. about what I expected to get. My roomate Josh Scott quit FGM on Monday and two days later my buddy Nick Kladis got fired for an email he sent around making fun of the company (it was an awesome email too). Here's the biggest shocker of the week... Occasionally I still dream of my ex-girlfriend Janelle Bailey.... I haven't seen her in over a year and haven't heard from her in 6 months. Well, it just so happened that after waking up from a dream about her I find an email from her asking how I am. After several emails back and forth I was talked into picking her up at a bus station in Albany to save her dad the trip and she ended up staying over last night. I didn't really know what to expect. Maybe I thought there might still be something between us... Nope. She has made a lot of mistakes and has dated drug dealers to car thieves since breaking up with me.. but for some reason my heart still ached for her... Last night made me realize that there will never again be anything between us. She still says that nobody has ever treated her as well as I did but she continues to date dirtbags. I dropped her off this morning and told her to please make wiser decisions when it comes to guys. She was once a sweet girl from upstate NY but she has changed through college and become something that I don't want to associate with. But, for some reason I only remember the good times we had which were few and far between towards the end of our relationship. In any case, I just sent an email to her pleading that she never contact me again. She is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, but I know that I deserve much better than her and it's time to move on with my life. Last night was a massive mistake that I don't want to ever again re-live.
On top of seeing Janelle I managed to really hurt someone who I care a lot for this week. She has been a good friend to me, and through my actions I know that I have hurt her deeply when she is already having a hard time in life. She wants more out of a relationship with me than I can offer right now and I feel horrible about it. And to top that off she was witness to me and my ex last night.... I hope that she can some how find it in her heart to forgive me. I hope that she realizes that I just don't want to end up hurting her...
I guess I'm kinda using this blog thing as a journal now... it keeps me honest, and it lets my friends know how I am truly feeling because anyone is free to look at it. I honestly try to do what is right in life, but lately it seems like I've only ended up doing the wrong things and people have been hurt by it. This year is my transitional year where I am both looking towards the future and reflecting on my past. I have big plans, and I have to keep my eyes on the goal. Sorry about the novel... it was more for me to get off my chest than for anyone to read really....
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